Our Journey

The deep blackness of night reaches out
to steal away the last purple ray of light
we are left so alone,
so totally devoid of spirit and soul
standing on unstable ground
slowly sinking far below
forgotten by society
completely out of sight
an unrelenting void of nothingness


The tendrils of light tangle thru the bleak shadows
begging us to follow
we must draw on our courage & strength
the journey through the faded path is difficult
we thirst for freedom & hunger for acceptance
from our past we finally emerge
following only our hearts, our hopes and our dreams



Tina 11/15/05

Blinders on

Dedicated to those who knew...............



Life is not always as it seems
Appearances on the outside
Mask so completely
What is hidden deep inside.

But the truth does peek through
If only in little rays
It is there, right before them
Waiting to be seen

They darken those blinds
In hopes to block out
What they do not want to see
What they do not want to believe

They stay inside
Behind closed doors
Because they are afraid
Of what they might hear

They ask no questions
Just nod and smile
You see the sadness in their eyes
They know..........


Tina 11/06/05

Why??

What drives a person to take a child against their will?
His desires encouraged by her terror and her fears.
His advances more determined as the child struggles.
Her whimpering and crying do nothing to stop him.

How does violence equate to lust?
Beaten during the day, raped in the night....
How can he awaken every day & look into the mirror?
Was all the drinking to hide the shame?
To make each day more bearable.

What made him want a child?
What made him want me?

~~~Tina~~~ 10/25/05

Sands of Time

Through the sands of time we live
Shadows lurking all around
Waiting for help that never came
All I loved just disappeared
Didn't want anyone around
Couldn't handle one more goodbye
All that stayed wouldn’t set me free
Full of anger, striking out at me
How often I stopped to wonder, why me?
How much further till I could fly?
Sinking further in a dark abyss
No friends or family to pull me out
The sand in falling, spilling free
Washing it’s way over me
I never knew life could be this way
How much longer must I wait?

Tina ~~ 10/25/05

A book

A book I found the other day
it's cover worn & tattered
pages of delicate linen
words bled through
the writing fragile

within it held a story
a little life
an existence of hell
flames before a fire

somewhere in the middle
blank pages filled the book
I blink back tears
that cloud my eyes
but still I find
that sudden void

chapters were gone forever
will I ever find those long lost words
and finish the journey I started

Tina 10/14/05

Lost

Have you seen a little girl
who wanders the path lesser known
If you look into her sorrowful eyes
you'll see deeply into her haunting soul.

Would you whisper softly to her
and let her know she's not alone
Would you take her sweet little hand
and lead her safely home

As you guide her along the way
would you tell her that I'm sorry
That I wasn't there to protect her
when she needed me the most

Would you let her know I'm here now
I've searched so very long
I'm waiting very patiently
to take her into my arms

~~Tina~~ 10/11/05

Free

you gained my trust
brightened my days
a child forgotten
lost in my ways....
you lead me to the edge
then pushed me over
I held on....
a little crevice I found
my hands are aching
my fingers bleeding
but I won’t let go
I’m growing stronger
gaining my wings
able to release
all the pain
all the memories
and fly away
soon I will be free


Tina 9/17/05

Hush, Sweet Child

A gentle kiss, a warm hug
tucked away in my little bed
a family filled with love
a life so sweet and so simple
tonight though, it will all be taken away.

As this little girl falls asleep
her life will take a turn
her beloved father will fade away
in his place, a demon will come

He casts a spell upon her Mom
and puts her in a trance
she sees a prince charming
who sweeps her off her feet
and through the night, they dance

He enters the home
seeking to ravage the child
and strip away her innocence

The demon’s demands are more intense
unmet, his anger rages
her needs are torn away
her tears and bruises go unseen

This tiny girl feels so alone
so terrorized and frightened

He’s coming for her again
she hears him approaching
her heart is beating louder
she tries to run, but cannot move
she tries to scream, but no sound is heard

She cannot breathe
she feels his touch
searing and hot
his demonic voice
his foul breath

She struggles to get away
A bright light enters the room
the demon turns in shock
the light burns the creature
it screams.......
letting go of the child,
it turns and flees

The little girl turns toward the warm, loving light
gentle hands embrace her
"Hush, sweet child, it’s okay....
"It was only a dream, you are safe"

She sees in the light
the face of this kind soul
it’s her beloved Daddy....
he’s here to take care of her
and everything will once again be alright.

Tina ~~ 9/14/05

Eye of the Storm

I feel a calmness, a sense of peace
The brutal wars may finally cease
I weathered a storm & survived its wrath
I stood directly in its path
I know I am riding in the eye of the storm
Awaiting the wake of the backlash to form
The dawn of light I see right now
Is a promise to a solemn vow
That my strength & courage will lead the way
Out of this storm all dark & gray
To a peaceful existence filled with light
I know I will make it & be alright
Yes, I am riding the eye of the storm
As I edge closer I feel the backend form
But when I come out this time, my friend
My lifelong journey will not be at an end
When the storm is over, I will finally see
The light of truth that will set me free.


~~Tina~~ 8/9/05

The Long Journey Home

I’ve been on this journey most of my life
A path of confusion & endless strife
I’ve traveled down most of it all alone
My aching soul is filled with stone

It’s a road so dense, filled with twists and turns
And creatures along the way who’s touch burns
Each crevice holds a secret from the past
Secrets so dark, eery shadows they cast

How often I’ve stopped to wonder, why me?
How much further till I am finally free?
But the way up ahead is terribly dim
The path worn & tattered, my chances grim

My feelings are mixed with such confusion
And it all seems like some grand illusion
But there’s a great sadness to all of this
Something that I can no longer dismiss

As I wander aimlessly in this maze
Fully engulfed in a thick fog and haze
My hand reaches out, but nothing is there
They’ve all gone away & I don’t know where

The others who have watched have turned away
They no longer will witness my dismay
I’m still traveling down that path made of stone
I’m still on that path completely alone.


Tina 8/8/05

Back Country Roads

A drive down a back country road
Leads to a story never told
Where a bitter seed has been sowed
Another chapter will unfold
It was a lazy summer day
A trip for only ‘Dad & me’
He forces her along the way
But he isn’t happy, you see.
A glorious day turns suddenly dark
As he leads her further down the trail
Her reality becomes so stark
As once again, her trust will fail
The creature waits and stalks its prey
As his impatience wanes, his anger swells
The demon will have his way
She looks to his eyes where evil dwells
The beast has found a sudden rebirth
His assault on her, a violent rage
She collapses, crumbling to the earth
Her beaten body defies her age.
She welcomes the darkness, the quiet peace
As an eagle soaring high above her screams
For that moment, all the pain & betrayal will cease
But only in her unconscious dreams.

~~Tina 7/3/05~~

My Wish

If I walked along that sandy beach
and saw a lantern within my reach,
I’d pick it up by its tarnished end,
three wishes I would make, my dear friend

To take away the pain and sorrow
and make each today a new tomorrow.
To set us on a path filled with peace
where the raging wars will finally cease.
And to show us hope & endless love
fulfilled with His glory from above.

~~Tina 6/30/05~~

Walk with me through the shadows
We’ll guide each other along the way
We know there’s hope up ahead
And the light of a new found day

~~Tina 6/23/05~~

My vision ~ my dream

I’ve walked through my life in a distant haze
memories of lost childhood days
where happiness was a dream
and dreams were buried far, far away

So many times I sat watching from the window
while kids played in the park
but my prison was my castle
hollow and dark

The ruler held the fortress
under his firm grip
barking out orders
while holding his whip

I envisioned his demise
filled with torture and pain
the same as I received in his daily game

I dreamed of spitting in his face
and he pleaded while he died
the same as he did every night that I cried

He’s gone now
the spell was cast
but each day I still live
in a shadow of the past

His voice echoes
in the back of my mind
shut it out, make it stop....
I shout all the time

Somehow, he still comes back
he’s all around
I walk away & close my eyes
to shut down all the sound

So many people don’t understand
others don’t even care
they want you to pretend it never happened
and make it disappear.

Somedays I can
it's easy to do
Other times I feel
so lonely and blue
there's no one around
to turn to

Tomorrow I will wake up
to a new beginning and new day
this one will be different
I know it will...I will find a way.

~~Tina 6/22/05

Endless Nights

Endless Nights



The demons poisoned her blood
her world would never be the same
knowing that tonight one of them would return.

Would it be the creature filled with unsatiable lust
who devours her soul with a single touch?
Or would it be the raging monster
who approaches with a terrible roar
with no place to hide,
he slashes her to the core?

A little girl so frightened & scared
so many nights she cries herself to sleep
as the sun sets & the moon rises to shine its beam
with a host of twinkling lights.

In hushed whispers, she pleads;
please God, wake me
let this be some horrible dream
some terrible mistake.
Please God, please make it right again.




Tina ~~ 6/11/05

Chained Souls

For so long I was trapped in a black void
Sinking farther into the dark abyss
No friends or family to pull me free
No one seemed to care
The promise & hope
The innocence that once shined so brightly
were shattered in one violent moment
and now I found myself in a harsh new reality
So through the twisted road I walked
I made some choices I would regret
Searching for the hope
That I could not find
So many expectations
Be strong, don’t cry
Pretend it never happened
And it will go away.
So on the outside, I wear that mask
And pretend the pain is no longer there
While each day I carry the burden
Chained to my soul
The voice within must be heard
So empty, alone and filled with despair
A constant reminder
Of what was never told

I look deep within myself
And wonder who I am
Who I was, who I will become
I don’t want to be somebody else’s reality
So I fight..........the silence must be broken
The battle is long served but reward will be found
One day it will end
And a victory will be mine
Today is a gift and tomorrow is a promise
Hope floats on the horizon
We just have to believe
That peace will find itself into our souls

Tina ~~ 6/11/05

Hear the Children's Cry

All the little children
Sitting here in total despair
So many children everywhere
Small lives filled with terror and fear
They’re not as calm as they appear
He calls it love, but it is rape
Their only hope is to escape
Close your eyes, listen to their scream
No, I promise, this is not a dream
Now feel their presence in your heart
Doesn’t it just tear you apart?
Open your eyes and see the children
Surrounded by their father’s sin
Don’t turn your backs on them again
They exist as only they can
Help them to make this nightmare cease
Help them to feel safe and at peace.

~~Tina 5/30/05

Never Alone

As we entered the world of the unknown
Each turn of the road, new things we were shown
Often we wondered why this road was taken
Our little lives were held and then forsaken

We end up just drifting from here to there
Our hopes, dreams & souls were left wholly bare
In the distance, we see a horizon so blue I
ts beauty surprises us, can it be true?

We forge ahead bravely to reach our new goal
For too long it seems our true efforts were null
Our heads we hang low while dragging our feet
Finally, we admit utter defeat

We lay down our weapons and give up the lie
We lay down our heads and can only cry
A shadow appears blocking the sun from above
A friend from the distance sent only with love
“Don’t give up child, stand tall, walk forward” says He
“I’m standing beside you, where I will always be”

~~Tina 5/24/05

Sweet Dreams

Sweet dreams, little girl
Mommy and Daddy are here
to watch over you and keep you safe and dear.

The moon & the stars
that shine from above
will sparkle and twinkle through the night with love.

Her tender head rests
her breathing is soft
she falls to that land of puppies, kittens & lollipops.

For many years
her life was so happy
a home filled with fun and everlasting love.

Sweet dreams, little girl
Mommy and Daddy are here
to watch over our little angel and keep her safe and dear.

But Daddy is gone
the little girl cries
he left her too soon...her friend, her buddy...her Daddy.

And Mommy is sad
she cries all the time
no more room to hold the little girl anymore.

The new man comes
this is her ‘new’ Daddy
he’s scary & mean...can’t he go away?

Too many rules,
too many mistakes
the good little girl is always so bad.

It hurts all the time
fly thru shattering glass
walls and fists feel just the same.

He comes at night
to make her feel better
the bruises and cuts he touches each one.


She’s frightened to silence
pleading inside
Go away please....I want my real Daddy back.

He comes now each night
he tells her she’s naughty
he’ll teach her how to be a good little girl

He holds her down
and pins her under him
she hates him so much but herself even more.

Now all she wants
is to go away forever
Daddy, please come back and take me home with you.

Now Mommy is gone
the little girl cries
she’s truly alone now with the monster inside.

He owns her now
she can’t escape
he takes her at will, she’s a cheap mistake.

A baby is coming
she hates it so much
it’s a demon growing....built out of lust.

But the baby dies
she’s filled with guilt & hate
an innocent life lost ... a victim of rape.

Her will has died
he beat her to shame
she is alone in this world...his cheap little game.

Sweet dreams little girl
Daddy is here
he watches over you and waits til the monster appears

~~Tina 5/22/05

Silent Screams

Silent screams raging inside
yesterdays filled with a foreboding darkness
embraced in evil.

A young girl bound by chains
her house arrest a lifetime punishment
no windows,
no doors,
no escape.

The warden's game
a cruel act of torture
pleasure becomes pain...
pain becomes reality.

Screaming in silence
she fades away the hands of darkness embrace her
she welcomes the peace
which touches her soul.

She watches from a distance
this troubled child
who screams in the darkness.

She awakens a young woman
falling to the ground
beaten by guilt and shame.

Her empty soul is numb
her broken heart is silent
the beating drum is quiet.

Her decadence is shared by so many

She lifts her head
silent screams raging inside
spill forth
but no one hears she walked the path..........

alone.

~~Tina 5/13/05

Delicate Feather

A delicate feather floats through the air
It’s will and it’s soul are left wholly bare.
It rises above, where no harm is bound,
Softly, it lands when true love is found.
Yes, but a delicate feather is she
Only now, can she finally be free.

by Tina 4/24/05

Little One

I walked through the meadow,
an ocean of vibrant colors.
The sun sprinkling light rays
through the sky.
A gentle streams runs
through the lush valley.

There on a rock, she waits
she’s been there for so long.
Her features are gentle
she’s so petite, so fragile

She watches me coming.
she smiles and rises
then she walks to a forest
as she turns to me, she motions.

I follow behind her
in this beautiful world
Her shadows are dwarfed
by the magnificent trees
She stops at a cliff and turns to me
I don’t understand, that’s plain to see.

She speaks but in whispers
a sweet melody
“This is where you pushed me.
The scars on my hands you can see.

”I fall to my knees,
the clouds roll in
the sky opens up
tears from heaven
fall to the ground.

I open my arms
she runs to me
I hold her so close
she’s crying,
this sweet little girl
our tears become one
for so many lost years.

I rock her gently
and sing a lullaby
she closes her eyes
and sleeps in my arms
so long has she waited
for a safe place to go

As I kiss her gently,
I whisper to her
“You will always be loved,
never again will I leave you,
my sweet little one”

by Tina 4/24/05

Shattered Dreams

The darkness envelopes the earthly world ~~

Close your eyes & dream
of tomorrows filled with
pink & purple meadows
Horizons drenched in orange
as the sun kisses the earth.

Can you see her?
Dancing in the wind?
Her arms outstretched
Spinning, twirling, laughing
A fragile child in the world alone.

You sent her here
The night her innocence was betrayed
Her youth was shattered
Her heart ripped out
Her spirit broken....

The pieces are scattered
He tossed them in the wind
Like a beautiful crystal vase
Sent crashing to the earth.

See them now?
Sparkling in the light?
Like gems sprinkled all around us
Can we find all those pieces?
Can we make them whole again?

She’s looking at you~~
The child~~~
Can you see her?
Dancing in the wind?
Her arms outstretched
Spinning, twirling, laughing

A fragile child in the world alone.

by Tina ~~ 4/24/05

Broken Promises

You promised me that I would be safe & loved
from the moment You breathed life into me.
But one was taken too soon.

She promised to love me, guide me
and keep me safe.
But then she brought the bad man home.

He promised to love me as his own,
to take care of me & protect me.
But he was the one who threw the first punch.

He wanted to show me how much he love me.
It wouldn’t hurt he promised me.
But it hurt me in so many ways.

He promised he would stop & not do this anymore,
he just wanted to be my Dad.
But he couldn’t stop.

So many broken promises.
So much pain.Who can she run to?
Who can she trust?

by Tina ~~ 3/9/05

Innocence Lost

The sun fell behind the horizon
the darkness enveloped the night sky.
Children are tucked away
to sleep snugly through the night.
But the quiet was slashed
by a bolt of lightning.

He tore through her innocence
and betrayed her trust.
The mighty storm was brewing
no shelter could be sought.
She struggled and whimpered
but her efforts were banished.

The rage was peaking
her panic was frightening.
The storm was now surging
destruction was left in its path.
Her soul is empty
nothing more is left.

The storm is over
the peace has returned....

A single tearfalls somewhere
in the quietof the night.

by Tina ~~ 3/9/05

Yesterday's Ashes

See the little girl all alone
It’s dark, it’s cold
She wants to go home.
Her clothes are tattered
Her shoes are worn
She’s Yesterday’s Ashes
She can’t go on.

Her face...Is hidden in a tale of woe
Her eyes...Have a dark, haunting glow
Her innocence was robbed
Taken in one night
She tried to speak out
But was torn with fright......

She’s the Dark Child
Locked into the night.
She looks at you....
Your eyes meet
A single tear...
Runs down her cheek

It’s just too late
Her hope is gone
She’s Yesterday’s Ashes
She can’t go on.......

By: Tina ~~ Jan 2005