Yesterdays ashes

Acceptance

2008-09-19T23:47:00.002-04:00

Acceptance

You don't understand
I don't expect you to
I just need your hand
I just need you to care
I need your love
Your safe unabiding love
And the peace of mind
To know I'm safe again

Please accept what I say
Don't question why
Don't feel like you've failed
Don't let me feel as if I have either
Just accept what you hear
Don't ask me to explain
More than what I say

And please be gentle
that little girl is crying inside
She needs to be held
She needs to be loved
She needs to feel safe
Something she must learn
All over again.

~~tina~~ 11/21/06

Demon Monster

2006-12-17T18:45:00.001-05:00

She buries her head
as she tries to remain silent
she’s in pain and
tears burn in her eyes
he’s come again....
the demon monster
leaving her damaged...
violated ... exposed.

Her eyes plead
when others see
her rainbow skin
but her hopes dim
as they look away
embarrassed...
when they speak
only silence is heard.

She is left feeling unworthy..
unworthy of living, of even trying
she turns but no one is there
they’ve vanished
again she is alone
but for the demon monster
who lurks
in the shadows nearby.

~~Tina~~~ 11/2/06

An Angel

2006-12-17T18:45:00.000-05:00

When I stumble
And trip along the way
I feel like a flower wilting
On a hot summer day.

Then an angel sits beside me
Her gentleness eases my fears
She whispers softly to me
As she wipes away the tears

In her hand she carries a candle
Aglow with guiding light
I know that she will be with me
And all will be alright

Tina 8/14/06

Finding my place

2006-12-17T18:37:00.000-05:00

Most days I feel like a square peg
surviving in a round world
trying to make peace with a past
that few could even image.

But it all spins out of control
and the table tilts
spilling the pieces on the floor.

I try to pick them up
but they crumble to ashes and dust
and I wonder what to do next

As I try to make sense of it all
and find my place
in this lonely, cold world.

~~Tina~~ 10/10/06

Forgiveness

2006-12-17T18:36:00.000-05:00

They say I should forgive you, would someone tell me how
No nevermind please don’t, I’m just not ready now.
I’m not ready to absolve you of all your many sins
I know this isn’t right because no one really wins
You never asked for mercy from me in any way
So I cannot find forgiveness at least not today.
When I meet my maker & reach out to hold His hand
I hope He’ll take it in his & truly understand

Tina 8/31/06

The Storm Within

2006-12-17T18:34:00.000-05:00

I felt my life was afloat in a dark sea
Where skies were always filled
with thick black clouds
A sense of foreboding filled the air
Watching, waiting for the approaching storm

Streaks of lighting cut through the black-bellied sky
As screams are muffled from her cry
The great thunder shakes the darkness
As his anger rages upon her
He tears at her taking all that he wants
Leaving nothing but pain behind

A like a leaf
Which was shaken from a tree
In the midst of this terrible storm
I find myself drifting
Seeking refuge from what once was
And a new place to call my home

Tina 8/9/06

Void

2006-12-17T18:29:00.000-05:00

In a vast void
That many cannot see
And fewer understand
Emptiness is filling me
Engulfing me in its darkness

The hands of time stand still
And I am trapped in this frozen space
A prisoner of your insanity
My life has become
A solitary confinement
of the past you created

An existence
dwelling deep within my soul
Screaming to break free
Walls with no windows
A room with no doors
The silence is deafening
As loneliness stretches on

Haunting images
Flashing lights
Muffled voices
Emerge from the blackness

I bury my head
And cover my ears
Trying to shut it all down
and drown out the sounds
Surpressing the memories
of childhood years

~~Tina 8/8/06~~

Mirrored Reflections

2006-12-17T18:27:00.000-05:00

I see reflections in a mirror
Curiosity draws me nearer
It is of a child I do not know
The depths of her soul are filled with woe
Her eyes stare up at me
And with understanding I can see
The pain he put her through
And the peace she is now due.

~~Tina 8/8/06

Pieces

2006-08-23T22:50:00.000-04:00

You came into our lives
Little did we know
What evil you possessed
What horrors we would learn
Pain & heartache, fear & loneliness
Soon would fill our days.

You took from me
A piece of my innocence
And a part of my soul
You tossed it all away
I believed I was all alone
Never knowing how many like you existed.

I learned to slip away
And watch from a distant land
What happened to this little girl
And I felt....
Only sadness for this child
Who cried all the time.

Soon you no longer saw me at all
More pieces of my existence
Were tossed into the wind
Until nothing was left to take....
Nothing was left to throw away
And I could feel no more
Never once did you look back
To see what you had done.

But in the end, I win....
All that you took from me...
All that you thought you destroyed,
I am gathering all those lost pieces
And putting them carefully back together
Only this time, my fortress will be stronger
You can’t hurt me anymore.

~~Tina~~ 7/06/06

Toe the Line

2006-05-01T19:36:00.000-04:00

As the gap between past & present
rush forth to collide
echoes break the silence...
fringes of the past....
their fingers reaching out
to entangle me in its web.

I know in my heart
this can’t happen again
for the past must be laid to rest
its evil cannot touch me again.

Gently I wipe away a mist of tears,
sent to wash away the pain I feel,
as I reach up to nudge the clouds
forming overhead
with hopes of finding a ray of light
that will push forth to brighten a day
suddenly filled with the darkness of night.

Standing in a stark reality
I toe the line between what is right
in a quiet so complete
a voice so sweet, so clear
a blessed reminder that
today is ever present
and tomorrow
that promise will be clear.

~~Tina~~ 5/1/06

Falling Ribbons

2006-04-05T11:24:00.000-04:00

And I fall........
like ribbons of soft linen
cascading onto the floor.

Quietly waiting.........
for some gentle hand
to patiently mend the pieces
and make them whole again.

~~Tina 4/4/06~~

2006-04-02T01:20:00.000-05:00

As She Wonders

It’s all too much to bear

her head hangs low

she fades away

crashing........falling

deep into the dark.....

as she wonders,

when will this cycle end?

Emotions flying, bitter words

a freight train

running thru her head

the burning sting of pain

bring her forth again......

as she wonders,

when will this cycle end?

She fades once more

numb...she drifts away

the effort he feels

only a false pretense

not a reality.........

as she wonders,

when will this cycle end?

He’s gone

she hates who she’s become

a toy in his miserable game

to be used at his will

tossed aside and ignored

till he needs he once again............

And she wonders,

when will this cycle end?

So dark and alone

no one left to turn to

but with all her heart

she believes

one day he will pay

the price of who he became.............

and she wonders,

when will that cycle begin?

~~Tina~~~ 3/30/06

The Beast

2006-03-05T22:18:00.000-05:00

The nightmare begins......

The beast crawls out of his skin
His unabated evil seeps from his pores
A poisonous acid that scalds all it touches
He must quench his demonic hunger

He’s coming..........

And fear inundates my inner core
His stench penetrates every pocket of air
His touch sears the delicate skin
His presence creates only pain

And innocent blood is shed....

Silent screams rise from inside
Quelled only by guilt and shame
He leaves me empty, feeling dirty inside
His venom has darkened my soul

I am left all alone, my hope is null
As the darkness absorbs every crevice
I hear a sob coming deep from inside
As the child cowers again

But sleep will come and with it peace
As shadows waver
And daylight peeks
The whispers are silent along with the sobs

But the creature’s hunger is infinite
As the beast will thrive.
My sleep will always be light
As I listen for his approach once more.

~~Tina~~ 3/5/06

Clouds come rolling in

2006-03-05T15:01:00.000-05:00

Lately I have been struggling so much with so many emotions & so many thoughts, memories and triggers. They are everywhere ... all around me.

Clouds come rolling in............

I swim to the surface
the sun brightly shining,
spreading it's warmth all over me.
Suddenly, the next wave crashes
I am floundering for air again.
Many years ago,
I yearned for tomorrow
the promise of hope
and light that was hanging on the horizon
Now tomorrow is here....
life filled with love, hope, comfort & promise
But somehow yesterday drifts back in
and clouds surround my day.
I duck below those clouds
shutting it all away....
Don't hear the screams
Don't feel the pain
Can't hear his voice
Can't feel his touch
Or the smell that saturates the air
Go away....
bring back the peace,
the calm....
shut away yesterday
let it be gone

~~Tina~~ 3/5/06

The Child

2006-02-19T12:09:00.000-05:00

In a world filled with pain
It’s hard to find the beauty in life
The ugliness unfolds
As the darkness prevails

The empty loneliness in my heart
calls out to me too often
to remind me of a time
I so badly want forgetten

But as much as I try
I remain a prisoner to my own heart
When I think it is gone
I hear the whispers.

They invade my quietest dreams
Calling me, waking me....as I scream
Then I see her.........
She’s lost and alone buried inside

I feel like I’ve failed her
She carries all the guilt
It was so easy to walk away
and put all the blame on her

I hear her sobbing,
so frightened and cold
but I can’t save her
I never could

The beauty that surrounds us

2006-02-14T19:51:00.000-05:00

I am always in awe as I set foot outside & drink in all that is before us.

The sweet song that the beautiful little bird perched in the tree branches offers.

The squirrels and chipmunks playfully chasing each other in a game of tag as the soft, gentle bunnies hop through the clover.

The majestic ducks & geese glide above & come to a graceful landing in the sparkling lake.

The leaves on the trees rustling in the breeze as the new scent of growth is around you.

A seemingly endless pallette of colors that streak through the sky & are sprinkled on the petals and leaves of the flowers and trees. Colors so vibrant and dense that artists are forever trying to capture this beauty in their brushstrokes.

With all this beauty before us, I wonder how could there not be hope? May the peace of today be yours forever.

Some favorite quotes

2006-02-11T04:53:00.000-05:00

Some quotes I love:

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings. ~~William Blake

Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things, but just look what they can do when they stick together. ~~Vista M. Kelly

Should you yield the canyons from the windstorms, you would not see the beauty of their carvings. ~~Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Dance as though no one is watching you.
Love as though you have never been hurt before.
Sing as though no one can hear you.
Live as though heaven is on earth. ~~Souza

Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder. ~~Henry David Thoreau

Renewed Hope

2006-01-31T22:30:00.000-05:00

A hush falls over us
As dawn approaches,
that magical moment
between darkness & light.

All hope is renewed
As His beauty abounds
Despair is washed away
By a pallette of wondrous hues.

We drink in His glory
And know with certainty
That His truth is before us
And we are embraced in His love.

~~Tina 1/31/06~~

Little Man

2006-01-31T22:29:00.000-05:00

Did it make you proud.
When you saw the artwork you tattooed on her body ?

Did it make you feel powerful
When you saw the look of terror in her eyes ?

Did it make you feel like a man
When you seduced that young girl?

I hope you lived with guilt and shame
You were such a little man.

~~Tina 1/31/06~~

Too Late

2006-01-06T22:30:00.000-05:00

You buried me deep beneath the earth
With it you took my heart & my soul
You stole my childhood
And the innocence that went with it
You tore away at my self-esteem & trust
And dumped them along side me in that hole.

The one thing you did not take was my conscience
You feed into that guilt and shame
With your sick little games
With each kick of the dirt
I lived the lie you forced me to believe.

At night, the dark child came out of hiding
She was all that you wanted her to be
Then shove her back in that black hole
Till you needed her again.

During the day, the child was quiet & shy
Fear was driven by your evil fist
Each day like the last
We pretend that nothing happened
Nothing was ever good enough

I’ve waited all my life to hear you say you were sorry
I just needed to know why? Couldn’t you just tell me why?
Did you really think you could keep me silent forever?
Now it’s too late...It doesn’t really matter
It never really mattered.

~~Tina~~ 1/6/06

No Place Like Home

2005-12-30T23:50:00.000-05:00

There’s no place like home
No truer words could be found
My only hope, my only dream was that
There was no place like my home.

So cheery & noble on the outside
Complete with mighty oaks,
Split rail fences, a cozy porch
And bright colored flowers lining the walk.

On chilly nights,
Smoke would lazily drift
Up from the crackling fire
and float through the night air.

Home sweet home
Picture perfect
Fit for a postcard
But pictures can be so deceiving

When the lights go dim
And all is silent
If you listen closely
You will hear a little girl crying

She lives inside that home
Trapped in deceit and lies
Moments filled with terror and pain
Her future is filled with a bleak darkness

So when you pass by this little house
And you see the candles in the window
The mighty oaks blowing in the breeze
Fresh flowers a rainbow of color

When you pass by and think of the perfect home
With the perfect family
Walk by quickly so your dream is not ruined
By the cry of a helpless child

~~~Tina~~~ 12/30/05

Our Journey

2005-11-20T14:33:00.000-05:00

The deep blackness of night reaches out
to steal away the last purple ray of light
we are left so alone,
so totally devoid of spirit and soul
standing on unstable ground
slowly sinking far below
forgotten by society
completely out of sight
an unrelenting void of nothingness

The tendrils of light tangle thru the bleak shadows
begging us to follow
we must draw on our courage & strength
the journey through the faded path is difficult
we thirst for freedom & hunger for acceptance
from our past we finally emerge
following only our hearts, our hopes and our dreams

Tina 11/15/05

Blinders on

2005-11-20T14:31:00.000-05:00

Dedicated to those who knew...............

Life is not always as it seems
Appearances on the outside
Mask so completely
What is hidden deep inside.

But the truth does peek through
If only in little rays
It is there, right before them
Waiting to be seen

They darken those blinds
In hopes to block out
What they do not want to see
What they do not want to believe

They stay inside
Behind closed doors
Because they are afraid
Of what they might hear

They ask no questions
Just nod and smile
You see the sadness in their eyes
They know..........

Tina 11/06/05

Why??

2005-11-20T13:58:00.000-05:00

What drives a person to take a child against their will?
His desires encouraged by her terror and her fears.
His advances more determined as the child struggles.
Her whimpering and crying do nothing to stop him.

How does violence equate to lust?
Beaten during the day, raped in the night....
How can he awaken every day & look into the mirror?
Was all the drinking to hide the shame?
To make each day more bearable.

What made him want a child?
What made him want me?

~~~Tina~~~ 10/25/05

Sands of Time

2005-11-20T13:55:00.000-05:00

Through the sands of time we live
Shadows lurking all around
Waiting for help that never came
All I loved just disappeared
Didn't want anyone around
Couldn't handle one more goodbye
All that stayed wouldn’t set me free
Full of anger, striking out at me
How often I stopped to wonder, why me?
How much further till I could fly?
Sinking further in a dark abyss
No friends or family to pull me out
The sand in falling, spilling free
Washing it’s way over me
I never knew life could be this way
How much longer must I wait?

Tina ~~ 10/25/05

A book

2005-11-19T00:45:00.000-05:00

A book I found the other day
it's cover worn & tattered
pages of delicate linen
words bled through
the writing fragile

within it held a story
a little life
an existence of hell
flames before a fire

somewhere in the middle
blank pages filled the book
I blink back tears
that cloud my eyes
but still I find
that sudden void

chapters were gone forever
will I ever find those long lost words
and finish the journey I started

Tina 10/14/05

Lost

2005-11-19T00:39:00.000-05:00

Have you seen a little girl
who wanders the path lesser known
If you look into her sorrowful eyes
you'll see deeply into her haunting soul.

Would you whisper softly to her
and let her know she's not alone
Would you take her sweet little hand
and lead her safely home

As you guide her along the way
would you tell her that I'm sorry
That I wasn't there to protect her
when she needed me the most

Would you let her know I'm here now
I've searched so very long
I'm waiting very patiently
to take her into my arms

~~Tina~~ 10/11/05

Free

2005-11-19T00:36:00.000-05:00

you gained my trust
brightened my days
a child forgotten
lost in my ways....
you lead me to the edge
then pushed me over
I held on....
a little crevice I found
my hands are aching
my fingers bleeding
but I won’t let go
I’m growing stronger
gaining my wings
able to release
all the pain
all the memories
and fly away
soon I will be free

Tina 9/17/05

Hush, Sweet Child

2005-11-19T00:28:00.000-05:00

A gentle kiss, a warm hug
tucked away in my little bed
a family filled with love
a life so sweet and so simple
tonight though, it will all be taken away.

As this little girl falls asleep
her life will take a turn
her beloved father will fade away
in his place, a demon will come

He casts a spell upon her Mom
and puts her in a trance
she sees a prince charming
who sweeps her off her feet
and through the night, they dance

He enters the home
seeking to ravage the child
and strip away her innocence

The demon’s demands are more intense
unmet, his anger rages
her needs are torn away
her tears and bruises go unseen

This tiny girl feels so alone
so terrorized and frightened

He’s coming for her again
she hears him approaching
her heart is beating louder
she tries to run, but cannot move
she tries to scream, but no sound is heard

She cannot breathe
she feels his touch
searing and hot
his demonic voice
his foul breath

She struggles to get away
A bright light enters the room
the demon turns in shock
the light burns the creature
it screams.......
letting go of the child,
it turns and flees

The little girl turns toward the warm, loving light
gentle hands embrace her
"Hush, sweet child, it’s okay....
"It was only a dream, you are safe"

She sees in the light
the face of this kind soul
it’s her beloved Daddy....
he’s here to take care of her
and everything will once again be alright.

Tina ~~ 9/14/05

Eye of the Storm

2005-11-19T00:20:00.002-05:00

I feel a calmness, a sense of peace
The brutal wars may finally cease
I weathered a storm & survived its wrath
I stood directly in its path
I know I am riding in the eye of the storm
Awaiting the wake of the backlash to form
The dawn of light I see right now
Is a promise to a solemn vow
That my strength & courage will lead the way
Out of this storm all dark & gray
To a peaceful existence filled with light
I know I will make it & be alright
Yes, I am riding the eye of the storm
As I edge closer I feel the backend form
But when I come out this time, my friend
My lifelong journey will not be at an end
When the storm is over, I will finally see
The light of truth that will set me free.

~~Tina~~ 8/9/05

The Long Journey Home

2005-11-19T00:17:00.000-05:00

I’ve been on this journey most of my life
A path of confusion & endless strife
I’ve traveled down most of it all alone
My aching soul is filled with stone

It’s a road so dense, filled with twists and turns
And creatures along the way who’s touch burns
Each crevice holds a secret from the past
Secrets so dark, eery shadows they cast

How often I’ve stopped to wonder, why me?
How much further till I am finally free?
But the way up ahead is terribly dim
The path worn & tattered, my chances grim

My feelings are mixed with such confusion
And it all seems like some grand illusion
But there’s a great sadness to all of this
Something that I can no longer dismiss

As I wander aimlessly in this maze
Fully engulfed in a thick fog and haze
My hand reaches out, but nothing is there
They’ve all gone away & I don’t know where

The others who have watched have turned away
They no longer will witness my dismay
I’m still traveling down that path made of stone
I’m still on that path completely alone.

Tina 8/8/05

Back Country Roads

2005-11-18T07:50:00.000-05:00

A drive down a back country road
Leads to a story never told
Where a bitter seed has been sowed
Another chapter will unfold
It was a lazy summer day
A trip for only ‘Dad & me’
He forces her along the way
But he isn’t happy, you see.
A glorious day turns suddenly dark
As he leads her further down the trail
Her reality becomes so stark
As once again, her trust will fail
The creature waits and stalks its prey
As his impatience wanes, his anger swells
The demon will have his way
She looks to his eyes where evil dwells
The beast has found a sudden rebirth
His assault on her, a violent rage
She collapses, crumbling to the earth
Her beaten body defies her age.
She welcomes the darkness, the quiet peace
As an eagle soaring high above her screams
For that moment, all the pain & betrayal will cease
But only in her unconscious dreams.

~~Tina 7/3/05~~

My Wish

2005-11-17T22:47:00.000-05:00

If I walked along that sandy beach
and saw a lantern within my reach,
I’d pick it up by its tarnished end,
three wishes I would make, my dear friend

To take away the pain and sorrow
and make each today a new tomorrow.
To set us on a path filled with peace
where the raging wars will finally cease.
And to show us hope & endless love
fulfilled with His glory from above.

~~Tina 6/30/05~~

2005-11-17T22:43:00.000-05:00

Walk with me through the shadows
We’ll guide each other along the way
We know there’s hope up ahead
And the light of a new found day

~~Tina 6/23/05~~

My vision ~ my dream

2005-11-17T22:39:00.000-05:00

I’ve walked through my life in a distant haze
memories of lost childhood days
where happiness was a dream
and dreams were buried far, far away

So many times I sat watching from the window
while kids played in the park
but my prison was my castle
hollow and dark

The ruler held the fortress
under his firm grip
barking out orders
while holding his whip

I envisioned his demise
filled with torture and pain
the same as I received in his daily game

I dreamed of spitting in his face
and he pleaded while he died
the same as he did every night that I cried

He’s gone now
the spell was cast
but each day I still live
in a shadow of the past

His voice echoes
in the back of my mind
shut it out, make it stop....
I shout all the time

Somehow, he still comes back
he’s all around
I walk away & close my eyes
to shut down all the sound

So many people don’t understand
others don’t even care
they want you to pretend it never happened
and make it disappear.

Somedays I can
it's easy to do
Other times I feel
so lonely and blue
there's no one around
to turn to

Tomorrow I will wake up
to a new beginning and new day
this one will be different
I know it will...I will find a way.

~~Tina 6/22/05

Endless Nights

2005-11-17T22:37:00.000-05:00

Endless Nights

The demons poisoned her blood
her world would never be the same
knowing that tonight one of them would return.

Would it be the creature filled with unsatiable lust
who devours her soul with a single touch?
Or would it be the raging monster
who approaches with a terrible roar
with no place to hide,
he slashes her to the core?

A little girl so frightened & scared
so many nights she cries herself to sleep
as the sun sets & the moon rises to shine its beam
with a host of twinkling lights.

In hushed whispers, she pleads;
please God, wake me
let this be some horrible dream
some terrible mistake.
Please God, please make it right again.

Tina ~~ 6/11/05

Chained Souls

2005-11-17T22:03:00.000-05:00

For so long I was trapped in a black void
Sinking farther into the dark abyss
No friends or family to pull me free
No one seemed to care
The promise & hope
The innocence that once shined so brightly
were shattered in one violent moment
and now I found myself in a harsh new reality
So through the twisted road I walked
I made some choices I would regret
Searching for the hope
That I could not find
So many expectations
Be strong, don’t cry
Pretend it never happened
And it will go away.
So on the outside, I wear that mask
And pretend the pain is no longer there
While each day I carry the burden
Chained to my soul
The voice within must be heard
So empty, alone and filled with despair
A constant reminder
Of what was never told

I look deep within myself
And wonder who I am
Who I was, who I will become
I don’t want to be somebody else’s reality
So I fight..........the silence must be broken
The battle is long served but reward will be found
One day it will end
And a victory will be mine
Today is a gift and tomorrow is a promise
Hope floats on the horizon
We just have to believe
That peace will find itself into our souls

Tina ~~ 6/11/05

Hear the Children's Cry

2005-11-17T22:00:00.000-05:00

All the little children
Sitting here in total despair
So many children everywhere
Small lives filled with terror and fear
They’re not as calm as they appear
He calls it love, but it is rape
Their only hope is to escape
Close your eyes, listen to their scream
No, I promise, this is not a dream
Now feel their presence in your heart
Doesn’t it just tear you apart?
Open your eyes and see the children
Surrounded by their father’s sin
Don’t turn your backs on them again
They exist as only they can
Help them to make this nightmare cease
Help them to feel safe and at peace.

~~Tina 5/30/05

Never Alone

2005-11-17T21:47:00.000-05:00

As we entered the world of the unknown
Each turn of the road, new things we were shown
Often we wondered why this road was taken
Our little lives were held and then forsaken

We end up just drifting from here to there
Our hopes, dreams & souls were left wholly bare
In the distance, we see a horizon so blue I
ts beauty surprises us, can it be true?

We forge ahead bravely to reach our new goal
For too long it seems our true efforts were null
Our heads we hang low while dragging our feet
Finally, we admit utter defeat

We lay down our weapons and give up the lie
We lay down our heads and can only cry
A shadow appears blocking the sun from above
A friend from the distance sent only with love
“Don’t give up child, stand tall, walk forward” says He
“I’m standing beside you, where I will always be”

~~Tina 5/24/05

Sweet Dreams

2005-11-17T21:33:00.000-05:00

Sweet dreams, little girl
Mommy and Daddy are here
to watch over you and keep you safe and dear.

The moon & the stars
that shine from above
will sparkle and twinkle through the night with love.

Her tender head rests
her breathing is soft
she falls to that land of puppies, kittens & lollipops.

For many years
her life was so happy
a home filled with fun and everlasting love.

Sweet dreams, little girl
Mommy and Daddy are here
to watch over our little angel and keep her safe and dear.

But Daddy is gone
the little girl cries
he left her too soon...her friend, her buddy...her Daddy.

And Mommy is sad
she cries all the time
no more room to hold the little girl anymore.

The new man comes
this is her ‘new’ Daddy
he’s scary & mean...can’t he go away?

Too many rules,
too many mistakes
the good little girl is always so bad.

It hurts all the time
fly thru shattering glass
walls and fists feel just the same.

He comes at night
to make her feel better
the bruises and cuts he touches each one.

She’s frightened to silence
pleading inside
Go away please....I want my real Daddy back.

He comes now each night
he tells her she’s naughty
he’ll teach her how to be a good little girl

He holds her down
and pins her under him
she hates him so much but herself even more.

Now all she wants
is to go away forever
Daddy, please come back and take me home with you.

Now Mommy is gone
the little girl cries
she’s truly alone now with the monster inside.

He owns her now
she can’t escape
he takes her at will, she’s a cheap mistake.

A baby is coming
she hates it so much
it’s a demon growing....built out of lust.

But the baby dies
she’s filled with guilt & hate
an innocent life lost ... a victim of rape.

Her will has died
he beat her to shame
she is alone in this world...his cheap little game.

Sweet dreams little girl
Daddy is here
he watches over you and waits til the monster appears

~~Tina 5/22/05

Silent Screams

2005-11-16T22:19:00.000-05:00

Silent screams raging inside
yesterdays filled with a foreboding darkness
embraced in evil.

A young girl bound by chains
her house arrest a lifetime punishment
no windows,
no doors,
no escape.

The warden's game
a cruel act of torture
pleasure becomes pain...
pain becomes reality.

Screaming in silence
she fades away the hands of darkness embrace her
she welcomes the peace
which touches her soul.

She watches from a distance
this troubled child
who screams in the darkness.

She awakens a young woman
falling to the ground
beaten by guilt and shame.

Her empty soul is numb
her broken heart is silent
the beating drum is quiet.

Her decadence is shared by so many

She lifts her head
silent screams raging inside
spill forth
but no one hears she walked the path..........

alone.

~~Tina 5/13/05

Delicate Feather

2005-11-15T02:14:00.000-05:00

A delicate feather floats through the air
It’s will and it’s soul are left wholly bare.
It rises above, where no harm is bound,
Softly, it lands when true love is found.
Yes, but a delicate feather is she
Only now, can she finally be free.

by Tina 4/24/05

Little One

2005-11-15T02:09:00.000-05:00

I walked through the meadow,
an ocean of vibrant colors.
The sun sprinkling light rays
through the sky.
A gentle streams runs
through the lush valley.

There on a rock, she waits
she’s been there for so long.
Her features are gentle
she’s so petite, so fragile

She watches me coming.
she smiles and rises
then she walks to a forest
as she turns to me, she motions.

I follow behind her
in this beautiful world
Her shadows are dwarfed
by the magnificent trees
She stops at a cliff and turns to me
I don’t understand, that’s plain to see.

She speaks but in whispers
a sweet melody
“This is where you pushed me.
The scars on my hands you can see.

”I fall to my knees,
the clouds roll in
the sky opens up
tears from heaven
fall to the ground.

I open my arms
she runs to me
I hold her so close
she’s crying,
this sweet little girl
our tears become one
for so many lost years.

I rock her gently
and sing a lullaby
she closes her eyes
and sleeps in my arms
so long has she waited
for a safe place to go

As I kiss her gently,
I whisper to her
“You will always be loved,
never again will I leave you,
my sweet little one”

by Tina 4/24/05

Shattered Dreams

2005-11-15T02:04:00.000-05:00

The darkness envelopes the earthly world ~~

Close your eyes & dream
of tomorrows filled with
pink & purple meadows
Horizons drenched in orange
as the sun kisses the earth.

Can you see her?
Dancing in the wind?
Her arms outstretched
Spinning, twirling, laughing
A fragile child in the world alone.

You sent her here
The night her innocence was betrayed
Her youth was shattered
Her heart ripped out
Her spirit broken....

The pieces are scattered
He tossed them in the wind
Like a beautiful crystal vase
Sent crashing to the earth.

See them now?
Sparkling in the light?
Like gems sprinkled all around us
Can we find all those pieces?
Can we make them whole again?

She’s looking at you~~
The child~~~
Can you see her?
Dancing in the wind?
Her arms outstretched
Spinning, twirling, laughing

A fragile child in the world alone.

by Tina ~~ 4/24/05

Broken Promises

2005-11-15T01:56:00.000-05:00

You promised me that I would be safe & loved
from the moment You breathed life into me.
But one was taken too soon.

She promised to love me, guide me
and keep me safe.
But then she brought the bad man home.

He promised to love me as his own,
to take care of me & protect me.
But he was the one who threw the first punch.

He wanted to show me how much he love me.
It wouldn’t hurt he promised me.
But it hurt me in so many ways.

He promised he would stop & not do this anymore,
he just wanted to be my Dad.
But he couldn’t stop.

So many broken promises.
So much pain.Who can she run to?
Who can she trust?

by Tina ~~ 3/9/05

Innocence Lost

2005-11-15T01:42:00.000-05:00

The sun fell behind the horizon
the darkness enveloped the night sky.
Children are tucked away
to sleep snugly through the night.
But the quiet was slashed
by a bolt of lightning.

He tore through her innocence
and betrayed her trust.
The mighty storm was brewing
no shelter could be sought.
She struggled and whimpered
but her efforts were banished.

The rage was peaking
her panic was frightening.
The storm was now surging
destruction was left in its path.
Her soul is empty
nothing more is left.

The storm is over
the peace has returned....

A single tearfalls somewhere
in the quietof the night.

by Tina ~~ 3/9/05

Yesterday's Ashes

2005-11-14T11:36:00.000-05:00

See the little girl all alone
It’s dark, it’s cold
She wants to go home.
Her clothes are tattered
Her shoes are worn
She’s Yesterday’s Ashes
She can’t go on.

Her face...Is hidden in a tale of woe
Her eyes...Have a dark, haunting glow
Her innocence was robbed
Taken in one night
She tried to speak out
But was torn with fright......

She’s the Dark Child
Locked into the night.
She looks at you....
Your eyes meet
A single tear...
Runs down her cheek

It’s just too late
Her hope is gone
She’s Yesterday’s Ashes
She can’t go on.......

By: Tina ~~ Jan 2005