My vision ~ my dream

I’ve walked through my life in a distant haze
memories of lost childhood days
where happiness was a dream
and dreams were buried far, far away

So many times I sat watching from the window
while kids played in the park
but my prison was my castle
hollow and dark

The ruler held the fortress
under his firm grip
barking out orders
while holding his whip

I envisioned his demise
filled with torture and pain
the same as I received in his daily game

I dreamed of spitting in his face
and he pleaded while he died
the same as he did every night that I cried

He’s gone now
the spell was cast
but each day I still live
in a shadow of the past

His voice echoes
in the back of my mind
shut it out, make it stop....
I shout all the time

Somehow, he still comes back
he’s all around
I walk away & close my eyes
to shut down all the sound

So many people don’t understand
others don’t even care
they want you to pretend it never happened
and make it disappear.

Somedays I can
it's easy to do
Other times I feel
so lonely and blue
there's no one around
to turn to

Tomorrow I will wake up
to a new beginning and new day
this one will be different
I know it will...I will find a way.

~~Tina 6/22/05