Acceptance

Acceptance


You don't understand
I don't expect you to
I just need your hand
I just need you to care
I need your love
Your safe unabiding love
And the peace of mind
To know I'm safe again

Please accept what I say
Don't question why
Don't feel like you've failed
Don't let me feel as if I have either
Just accept what you hear
Don't ask me to explain
More than what I say

And please be gentle
that little girl is crying inside
She needs to be held
She needs to be loved
She needs to feel safe
Something she must learn
All over again.

~~tina~~ 11/21/06

Demon Monster

She buries her head
as she tries to remain silent
she’s in pain and
tears burn in her eyes
he’s come again....
the demon monster
leaving her damaged...
violated ... exposed.

Her eyes plead
when others see
her rainbow skin
but her hopes dim
as they look away
embarrassed...
when they speak
only silence is heard.

She is left feeling unworthy..
unworthy of living, of even trying
she turns but no one is there
they’ve vanished
again she is alone
but for the demon monster
who lurks
in the shadows nearby.

~~Tina~~~ 11/2/06

An Angel

When I stumble
And trip along the way
I feel like a flower wilting
On a hot summer day.

Then an angel sits beside me
Her gentleness eases my fears
She whispers softly to me
As she wipes away the tears

In her hand she carries a candle
Aglow with guiding light
I know that she will be with me
And all will be alright

Tina 8/14/06

Finding my place

Most days I feel like a square peg
surviving in a round world
trying to make peace with a past
that few could even image.

But it all spins out of control
and the table tilts
spilling the pieces on the floor.

I try to pick them up
but they crumble to ashes and dust
and I wonder what to do next

As I try to make sense of it all
and find my place
in this lonely, cold world.

~~Tina~~ 10/10/06

Forgiveness

They say I should forgive you, would someone tell me how
No nevermind please don’t, I’m just not ready now.
I’m not ready to absolve you of all your many sins
I know this isn’t right because no one really wins
You never asked for mercy from me in any way
So I cannot find forgiveness at least not today.
When I meet my maker & reach out to hold His hand
I hope He’ll take it in his & truly understand

Tina 8/31/06

The Storm Within

I felt my life was afloat in a dark sea
Where skies were always filled
with thick black clouds
A sense of foreboding filled the air
Watching, waiting for the approaching storm

Streaks of lighting cut through the black-bellied sky
As screams are muffled from her cry
The great thunder shakes the darkness
As his anger rages upon her
He tears at her taking all that he wants
Leaving nothing but pain behind

A like a leaf
Which was shaken from a tree
In the midst of this terrible storm
I find myself drifting
Seeking refuge from what once was
And a new place to call my home

Tina 8/9/06

Void

In a vast void
That many cannot see
And fewer understand
Emptiness is filling me
Engulfing me in its darkness

The hands of time stand still
And I am trapped in this frozen space
A prisoner of your insanity
My life has become
A solitary confinement
of the past you created

An existence
dwelling deep within my soul
Screaming to break free
Walls with no windows
A room with no doors
The silence is deafening
As loneliness stretches on

Haunting images
Flashing lights
Muffled voices
Emerge from the blackness

I bury my head
And cover my ears
Trying to shut it all down
and drown out the sounds
Surpressing the memories
of childhood years

~~Tina 8/8/06~~

Mirrored Reflections

I see reflections in a mirror
Curiosity draws me nearer
It is of a child I do not know
The depths of her soul are filled with woe
Her eyes stare up at me
And with understanding I can see
The pain he put her through
And the peace she is now due.

~~Tina 8/8/06

Pieces

You came into our lives
Little did we know
What evil you possessed
What horrors we would learn
Pain & heartache, fear & loneliness
Soon would fill our days.

You took from me
A piece of my innocence
And a part of my soul
You tossed it all away
I believed I was all alone
Never knowing how many like you existed.

I learned to slip away
And watch from a distant land
What happened to this little girl
And I felt....
Only sadness for this child
Who cried all the time.

Soon you no longer saw me at all
More pieces of my existence
Were tossed into the wind
Until nothing was left to take....
Nothing was left to throw away
And I could feel no more
Never once did you look back
To see what you had done.

But in the end, I win....
All that you took from me...
All that you thought you destroyed,
I am gathering all those lost pieces
And putting them carefully back together
Only this time, my fortress will be stronger
You can’t hurt me anymore.

~~Tina~~ 7/06/06

Toe the Line

As the gap between past & present
rush forth to collide
echoes break the silence...
fringes of the past....
their fingers reaching out
to entangle me in its web.

I know in my heart
this can’t happen again
for the past must be laid to rest
its evil cannot touch me again.

Gently I wipe away a mist of tears,
sent to wash away the pain I feel,
as I reach up to nudge the clouds
forming overhead
with hopes of finding a ray of light
that will push forth to brighten a day
suddenly filled with the darkness of night.

Standing in a stark reality
I toe the line between what is right
in a quiet so complete
a voice so sweet, so clear
a blessed reminder that
today is ever present
and tomorrow
that promise will be clear.


~~Tina~~ 5/1/06

Falling Ribbons

And I fall........
like ribbons of soft linen
cascading onto the floor.

Quietly waiting.........
for some gentle hand
to patiently mend the pieces
and make them whole again.

~~Tina 4/4/06~~

As She Wonders



It’s all too much to bear

her head hangs low

she fades away

crashing........falling

deep into the dark.....

as she wonders,

when will this cycle end?



Emotions flying, bitter words

a freight train

running thru her head

the burning sting of pain

bring her forth again......

as she wonders,

when will this cycle end?



She fades once more

numb...she drifts away

the effort he feels

only a false pretense

not a reality.........

as she wonders,

when will this cycle end?



He’s gone

she hates who she’s become

a toy in his miserable game

to be used at his will

tossed aside and ignored

till he needs he once again............

And she wonders,

when will this cycle end?



So dark and alone

no one left to turn to

but with all her heart

she believes

one day he will pay

the price of who he became.............

and she wonders,

when will that cycle begin?





~~Tina~~~ 3/30/06

The Beast

The nightmare begins......

The beast crawls out of his skin
His unabated evil seeps from his pores
A poisonous acid that scalds all it touches
He must quench his demonic hunger

He’s coming..........

And fear inundates my inner core
His stench penetrates every pocket of air
His touch sears the delicate skin
His presence creates only pain

And innocent blood is shed....

Silent screams rise from inside
Quelled only by guilt and shame
He leaves me empty, feeling dirty inside
His venom has darkened my soul

I am left all alone, my hope is null
As the darkness absorbs every crevice
I hear a sob coming deep from inside
As the child cowers again

But sleep will come and with it peace
As shadows waver
And daylight peeks
The whispers are silent along with the sobs

But the creature’s hunger is infinite
As the beast will thrive.
My sleep will always be light
As I listen for his approach once more.


~~Tina~~ 3/5/06

Clouds come rolling in

Lately I have been struggling so much with so many emotions & so many thoughts, memories and triggers. They are everywhere ... all around me.







Clouds come rolling in............

I swim to the surface
the sun brightly shining,
spreading it's warmth all over me.
Suddenly, the next wave crashes
I am floundering for air again.
Many years ago,
I yearned for tomorrow
the promise of hope
and light that was hanging on the horizon
Now tomorrow is here....
life filled with love, hope, comfort & promise
But somehow yesterday drifts back in
and clouds surround my day.
I duck below those clouds
shutting it all away....
Don't hear the screams
Don't feel the pain
Can't hear his voice
Can't feel his touch
Or the smell that saturates the air
Go away....
bring back the peace,
the calm....
shut away yesterday
let it be gone

~~Tina~~ 3/5/06